Attention Class

I can’t promise you perfection, but one thing I will promise you is that learning grammar together will be more enjoyable than eighth grade English ever was. Unfortunately I don’t have any cute boys I can slide your desk next to, but rest assured that you’re only one click away from Bradley Cooper at all times.

Shall we get started, class? Today we’re taking on a few common grammatical errors.

Consider the following sentence:

Being a little stinker, my husband keeps an eye and a tether on Nathaniel at all times.

The sentence does make sense, because my husband is a little stinker at times, but what I’m really trying to say here is that my son, Nathaniel is the trouble maker.

In order to get my point across, I can go in one of two ways: 1. Make two separate sentences. 2. Rearrange the sentence to better illustrate my point.

My choices boil down to this:

Nathaniel is a little stinker. My husband keeps an eye and a tether on him at all times.

Being the little stinker that Nathaniel is, my husband likes to keep an eye and a tether on him at all times. (Now that’s much better!)

Of course there's always a third choice, which is adoption, but we'll save that for another day.

I have to cover this next error with you before I explode. In fact I think I just want to talk about it because it irks me so terribly much. I realize that I’m a complete nerd when I’ve gotten to the point where grammar starts to irk me, but I can’t tell you how many times I see this error, and somehow the world keeps turning regardless.

It’s the use of the word too, the word two, and the word to. Did anyone notice there are three separate words there? Now that I’m posting this I’ll probably misuse them a thousand times in the next year, but in our entire defense I’ll point out that even the most educated writers misuse them. (Covered my butt there.)

Let’s look at each one of them individually:

The word “too” is an adverb. It can be used in place of the word “also” or when describing excess.

I want my belly scratched too.
That mermaid is too large for my fish tank.

Secondly we find the word “two.” This one is easy for most of us since it simply indicates the number 2.

I have two birds named Lola.
I have two days left to finish my lunch.

The use of the word “to” is a little more complicated. It shows direction or intention, but it’s also used in other ways as well. The secret is to learn when and where to use the previous forms of the word (too and two) and you’ll start to see where this last one fits in.

I am going to rock out with my dog Elvis.
Do you know how to stop a cat from wearing your shoes?
Are you going to eat that last fish head?